The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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