So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
