Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
