After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
