Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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