Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
