We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
