She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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