Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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