Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
