FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
false alarm. still invincible.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize