I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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