he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it's like iHOP with fire
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
