He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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