Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My cat gives me a boner
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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