There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
