Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
