Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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