If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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