You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
