Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
