She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
