i may or may not be watching the land before time
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
