Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
