If i come over, it means nothing
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
