i just sent this text using only my big toe
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
