I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
