i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
