Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
