She is in my trunk
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
