You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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