There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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