lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
