my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
