Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
