sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
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he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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