My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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