the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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