he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
