Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
