help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
