she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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