omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
