Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
