i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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