if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
BRING THE BAGELS
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
