Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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