Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize