Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
