We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
