hotel room ftw
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
