Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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