Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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