Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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