cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
