I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
