I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
