Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
