And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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