i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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