if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
