She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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