you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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