Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
