The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The best revenge is premature balding
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
