I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
