Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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